Confessions of a CrossFit mom

New Year’s resolutions. Almost everybody has them, but by this point (mid-Jan), are they still sticking to them? This year, I didn’t really make a New Year’s resolution per se, other than vowing that I would fit COMFORTABLY in all of my pairs of jeans by the summer. And maybe even try to squeeze into a bathing suit this summer (eeekkk!).

Since having a muffin top does not mean I’m fitting comfortably in my jeans, I’ve decided to take the leap and participate in the current 3-week primal challenge run by Caveman Strong in Cornwall. No more excuses! I’ve committed to eating 95% paleo for the next 3 weeks (and beyond) to see how much what you eat really affects the bottom line (I’m betting it’s a lot). I will not change anything else - the frequency and intensity of my workouts will be the same. My diet will only include meat, veggies, fruits, nuts and very little dairy. No grains, no starches, no crap! The only thing I can’t promise is that I will get more sleep since that’s almost impossible with 3 little ones at home (just last night I was cleaning puke at 2 a.m. – try getting back to sleep quickly after that!). 

I’m reluctant to share my starting stats (weight, measurements, PRs) because I’m a chicken and that’s really putting myself OUT THERE. Let’s just say that I was this size 6 weeks after giving birth to my third child. Yikes! I’m hoping to turn that around real quick. Wish me luck! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go eat some meat.  

So I’ve been back to the gym for about a month now, and it feels good to be back on track. So am I back in my skinny jeans and feeling fab yet? Not so much. You see, although I’m making progress at the gym (when I’m not beating myself up for sucking so much), I’m lagging behind in all other areas of my life, and it’s definitely affecting the end result: a happy, healthy, fit me. Properly taking care of your body doesn’t just mean going to the gym and killing the workouts on a daily basis. It takes more than that. Exercise is a big part of a healthy lifestyle, but so are diet, stress, and sleep.

Being a fit parent definitely encompasses a whole other set of issues that non-parents don’t have to deal with. Take sleep for example. Someone who doesn’t have kids could never understand what it feels like to go months (sometimes even years) without a decent night’s sleep. It makes you crazy. You would be willing to cut off you arm for a chance to sleep a whole 8 hours straight. And being “on call” 24 hours a day is no joke. Your sick child doesn’t care if you have an early morning meeting or a crazy full week ahead. If they need you at 3 a.m., they need you. Period. I’m lucky if I average 7 hours per night, and that just doesn’t cut it.

Stress is another important factor. As a parent of 3 young girls, I juggle about a gazillion balls each and every day. I can barely find time to go to the gym (which I squeeze in over my lunch hour when I’m not travelling or don’t have appointments), let alone time to go for a relaxing walk after dinner. That’s time for homework, lunches, baths and bed. Oh, and the pre-bed meltdown because “my sister stole my stuff!”. Needless to say, my stress level is pretty high, but I’m aware of it and trying to find ways to chill. For example, I recently started playing badminton one night a week, and although it keeps me out late, it’s a chance for me to get out of the house without the kids and have fun. Plus I can take out my frustrations by smashing the birdie into other people’s heads without hurting them. J

Diet is where I struggle most. I cook to get by, not because I enjoy it. To me, that makes following a paleo diet a little difficult. I struggle to find ways to satisfy my family of 5 on a budget, while still making everybody happy. Having my kids part of the Crossfit Kids program definitely helps, since they question whether everything they eat is “healthy” or not and debate the food choices they make. I need to get better at planning ahead and trying new things. Working on it…

Above all this, being a mom has its own set of challenges. “Getting tight” has a different meaning to moms than to everybody else. What it really means is “get as tight as you can while still controlling your bladder”. You gals know what I’m talking about!! And jumping rope, jumping jacks, sprinting and a host of other exercises can make a mom cringe in fear – something to which non-parents have probably never given a second.

The moral of the story: exercise isn’t enough, and although it’s hard to be a parent and be fit in the true sense of the word, it is possible. I just need to convince my family that mommy needs more sleep, a live-in masseuse to reduce stress, and a full time paleo cook!

So next time you see a parent having a hard time at the gym, encourage them. You have no idea what kind of challenges he/she has faced today.

So it’s no secret that this summer has been a tough one for me. I am just returning to the gym after a 3-month unplanned hiatus. Why? Well, I travelled a lot for work. Then I was on holidays. Then I got busy. Then my sitter was on holidays. Then it was too hot out. Then I was on the road again. Excuses, excuses! Long story short, I stopped going to the gym on a regular basis, I gained 10 pounds, and I feel like a big bag of crap.

So what happened? When I was away on business, I was often overbooked and overtired. So instead of making an effort to exercise even when I was on the road, I would indulge in all the delicacies of the region I was in and go shopping instead (at least my wallet got a workout!). I kept saying to myself, “I’ll get a fresh start next week”, but then something would come up and I’d put it off another week.

Funny, my kids participate in the Crossfit Kids program, and somehow I managed to get them to the gym twice a week. So what’s my excuse? I lost focus, and got caught up in the “it’s summer!” groove I was in. Granted, I had a lot of fun this summer, but in retrospect, I don’t think I would have had less fun had I not stuffed my face with every food imaginable. Frankly, I think I might have even enjoyed it more had I not been so self conscious about my growing waistline.

The moral of the story – don’t get complacent. All those hot dogs, hamburgers, chips and brownies may seem like a good idea at the time, but looking and feeling good are worth way more than empty calories. There’s a fine line between letting loose and having a good time, and giving up. This summer, I gave up. So this is me, 10 pounds heavier, quite a bit slower and weaker, starting over. I am a mess, I am struggling, but I’m back. Being honest and real and sharing this post is the first step in my journey. Getting back to the gym and focusing on me is the second.

I vow that by Christmas, I will be focused, svelte (well, at least fitting in my clothes again), and feeling great about me. Enough with the excuses – it’s time to get to work. There’s no time like the present!

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to take part in the 2011 Spartan Race at Camp Fortune. I’d been on the fence for months about whether or not I should register. I actually lost sleep over it. Would I be able to do it? Would my CrossFit training be enough? My family thought I needed my head examined to even consider it. My friends and fellow crossfitters were really supportive though, so in the end I signed up.

I’m not a runner. At all. The 15 years I spent as a smoker definitely took their toll on my body and running a 5k will never be “easy” for me. My biggest fear, though, was that it would be hot and humid the day of the race and that my lungs would explode as a result. OK, maybe not explode, but I have asthma, so you get my drift. I was afraid that I would be dragging my team down. I had made a pact with 2 fellow crossfitters that we would stick together no matter what, and I prayed that I wouldn’t let them down. Frankly put, I was afraid that I wouldn’t have it in me.

So race day finally rolled around. I was so nervous, I insisted we arrive HOURS before our scheduled race time, I could barely stand to look at food, I had to pee about a gazillion times behorehand, and even forgot to bring a change of clean clothes, knowing full well I’d be covered in mud when I finished the race.

The day couldn’t have possibly been hotter or more humid. You know, the kind of heat that has you sweating just standing around. The terrain was grueling! Consider going up a ski mountain, at times with a car tire slung over your shoulder, then do it again, and again, and again, higher and steeper each time. That last hill was AGONY. I was sure we’d lose some teammates there, but with some careful prodding (“just puke already and get moving”, we all surged ahead. We made it through the rope climb, the 5 and 10-foot walls, the barbwire covered mud and ice pits, the rope net, the balance beam, the tire climb, the javelin throw, the cinderblock hoist and carry, the fire leap, the Spartan warriors and most of all, the terrifying tunnel swim.

Once again, I don’t know why I had worked myself up so much. I hadn’t given myself enough credit going into the race. Sure, I got really winded on those climbs, but I recovered pretty quickly and rocked the obstacles. I still had lots in me at the finish line. Why I even thought I couldn’t do it is beyond me. The thought of giving up never even crossed my mind. Granted, hindsight is always 20/20, but I need to believe in myself more in the future. I’m working on that!

My kids were so excited to see me get home with a medal around my neck. Of course they assumed that I had won the race, and while that couldn’t be further from the truth, their belief in me was inspiring. I finally saw myself through their eyes: their mother, arriving home from an adventure with a big smile on her face, a medal around her neck, mud in every nook and cranny of her body, a badass badge number sharpied onto her arm. I was a Spartan mommy, and they were so proud of me!

In the end, the Caveman Strong team fared better than many. We all made it through the finish line with a smile on our face and, most importantly, injury free. The same couldn’t be said for many other teams, who dealt with strains, broken bones and heat exhaustion. It did bring us together though, and taught of us the value of teamwork. A big congrats to all my fellow Spartan sisters and brothers, many of which were proud mommies and daddies like me. Know that you not only inspired others around you, but your kids officially think you’re rockstars now, if they didn’t already. Aroo!

The CrossFit Kids program is now officially under way at the cave, and I can’t think of a better way to help fight the human condition. For anyone who attended the Caveman Strong Kids open house a couple weeks ago, you know how inspiring it was to watch all those kids MOVE. They ran, they climbed, they tumbled, they crept, they squatted. And they had a blast doing it!

As a parent, it made my heart happy to watch them having so much fun, not just because I like to see my children enjoying themselves, but because they were working out and it wasn’t a chore for them. So many people in today’s society view exercise as a necessary evil. They drag their butts to the gym, put in the “required” 30 minutes on the eliptical, throw in a couple situps afterwards, and leave the gym feeling disgruntled. They did their workout, but they’re not happy about it. That’s one of the things that attracted me to crossfit in the first place. I love doing the workouts. If we taught our kids that exercise can be this much fun right from the get-go, think of how much farther ahead of us they’ll be. Being strong and healthy will be a way of life for them, and not just an afterthought when they’re getting a little thick around the waist.

Now that my 2 oldest daughters are officially CrossFit members, my puny 4-year old is constantly walking around trying to find heavy things to lift because “she does crossfit” and has “big muscles”. My 6-year old is begging to wear her “lifting” shoes to school so she can show off her skills. Who knew that a couple squats and a set of monkey bars could inspire that much pride and confidence! As a mother of 3 girls, that, to me, is what’s most inspiring about the kids program. Sure, I like to see them doing physical activity and thinking about the food they’re eating, but it’s more than that. It’s believing in themselves. It’s never selling themselves short. It’s them knowing that they are beautiful/strong/perfect just the way they are. I know the stresses that teen girls face in order to feel accepted by their peers. I’m terrified of poor self image, eating disorders, and the drastic measures girls take in order to just “fit in”. My hope is that my little cavegirls will be able to overcome all of that because they believe in themselves.

I’m also excited by the fact that my kids won’t have to face the same obstacles that I did when I first started CrossFit. They don’t have to worry about sore hips from childbearing or tight shoulders from years of being hunched over a computer keyboard. After a year of CrossFit, I finally feel like I’m not working against my weaknesses. I’m finally starting to make gains. Imagine making gains from the get-go! Their little rubber bodies are just waiting to be trained. 

So to other parents out there, lead by example. Get out, get fit, then pass it on. It’s not just about exercise or good eating habits, it’s about confidence and positive self-image. So go ahead - raise little cavepeople! You’ll be happy you did. And when they totally obliterate your FRAN time, remember where you started from.  

So I recently went back to work after having been on maternity leave for the last year. I’m not going to lie - it’s been really hard. Juggling 3 kids on my own is tough on the best of days, but add in a full time job, multiple pick-ups and drops at the sitter and daycare, swimming lessons, soccer, special school events, volunteering, homework, meetings out of town, etc., etc., and I’m downright exhausted.

When people ask me how I feel about being back to work, I’m never sure how to answer. Where is my head at? What am I feeling? I guess I feel overwhelmed by all the “must do’s” in a day. I feel like I’m rushing from one job to the next. Rush to get the kids ready in the morning, rush to get to work on time, rush to the gym at lunch, rush back to work, rush to eat lunch at my desk, rush to finish all my work before the day is through, rush to go pick up the kids, rush to make dinner, do the dishes, do homework, give baths, put the kids to bed, do a couple loads of laundry so that I can finally kick up my feet and relax for a few seconds before starting all over the next day. Whew!  

I also feel guilty about how little time I’m spending with my kids. I’ve gone from spending every waking moment with them, to only seeing them for a couple hours a day. And the time I do spend with them I’m so busy taking care of the ”must do’s” that I can hardly qualify it as quality time. I feel like I’m last on the list. If I have time to make myself look presentable in the morning, then great, but otherwise, my coworkers are just going to have to deal with my bed head or lack of make-up.

The only time I take for me is gym time, and I’ve realized how easily that gets pushed aside when something unexpected pops up. I know I’m not the only working mom who feels this way, so I’ve come up with some survival tips that have helped me along the way:

1. Be organized: you’re way less likely to have a complete meltdown because you tripped over your kids’ running shoes AGAIN if everything has its own storage place (baskets are great for just about everything).
2. Always keep fresh fruit and veggies cut and washed in the fridge: when the kids are whining that they are hungry for a snack while you’re in the middle of making dinner or doing homework, whip out your already-prepared veggie platter. It’s much healthier than the crap hiding in your cupboards. And remember - it takes as much time to prepare a crappy meal as it does a healthy one.
3. Stop being a perfectionist: sure, my house was much cleaner and tidier before I had kids, but that was the past. When my kids are older, they’re not going to remember how clean their house was at any given time; they’re going to remember the quality time they spent with their mom.
4. Stop criticizing yourself: being a good mom means being a good role model. You do not need to be there every hour of every day to be a good mom. Just make the best of the time you do spend with your kids.
5. Take care of yoursef: if mom isn’t happy, then nobody is happy. And if being happy isn’t motivation enough, consider this: stress and sleep deprivation make you fat. Trust me, your family, and your waistline will thank you.

So how am I feeling about being back to work? Probaly like every other working mom. What’s probably keeping me from losing my marbles completely is the 1 hour I squeeze out of my day for the gym. So when something unexpected pops up, I need to remember to not let the gym be the first casualty. Because the gym is what’s keeping me sane and making me more present and calm with my kids. It’s just as important as everything else I have scheduled in my day. And when I drift off to sleep at night, I don’t remember how spotless my kitchen floor was or how empty the laundry basket was. No, I remember the sub 2-minute row I had at the gym that day, the pick up game of soccer I played with my kids, my new deadlift PR, or watching my baby girls’ first steps. Those are the moments that matter and make you feel alive. So stop sweating the small stuff and conentrate on what’s really important: you and your family.   

 

No, not in a higher power. In yourself? To be honest, I have a hard time believing in myself. This extends to all areas of my life, and the gym is no exception. It may not be apparent from the outside, but I often don’t feel strong enough, fast enough, fit enough, good enough. I doubt myself all the time. When my trainer tells me to go prescribed, or use a heavier weight than I’m comfortable with, my first instinct is to say “no, I can’t do that”. When I see a particularly difficult WOD posted on the board, I doubt whether I’ll be able to finish it. Although my self-confidence isn’t always where it should be, I make sure to not let it dictate how I live. And CrossFit is helping me believe in me a little more every day.

Sure I stress about whether I can do it and sometimes that mental dragon stops me from achieving my full potential, but I keep plowing ahead. What’s the worse that can happen? I fail? I rather fail at something I didn’t think I could do in the first place than not try at all. That’s why CrossFit works better than the average gym. You don’t fear your workout at a regular gym. It doesn’t keep you up at night strategizing how you’re going to get through it. CrossFit pushes you to do things you never thought you could. I can say with semi-confidence that I am an Olympic weightlifter because of CF. I climbed a rope for the first time in my life at age 30 because of CF. I can throw my 3 kids on my back and carry their weight because of CF. And that’s a good feeling. I am strong. I am fit. I am always better than I think I am.  

For example, I recently completed the Raisin River Canoe Race with a good friend of mine. Our only goal was to finish the 35km race. I was kinda hoping to be dry at the end too, but that was just a personal goal because I hate being cold and wet. So we set our sights on completion. In the end, I think we sold ourselves short. Why? We didn’t believe in ourselves 100%. We could have finished top 3 ladies if we had hustled a little more, but it never occured to us to try. Instead of trying our hardest and seeing where that would bring us, we set our sights on a goal that we thought was achievable (completion), and we left it at that.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m really proud of what we did. We completed a 35km race on our first try, in terrible weather conditions. We showed up, whereas many people decided to opt out because of the weather (my husband actually tried to talk me out of it the morning of the race!!). We went for a swim in the river in April and still got back in the canoe to finish the race. We finished 5th in the ladies and I’m super proud of that. But mark my words, next year we’ll finish top 3 (and hopefully stay dry too). Because we can!

My kids thought I was a rockstar that day. They watched me bust my ass and overcome adversity (falling into the river). Through my actions I taught them two very important lessons during the race: 1) if you believe in yourself and try your hardest, you can do anything you set your mind to. And if you tried your hardest but failed, there’s no shame in that; 2) when the deck is stacked against you (i.e. you’re wet/cold/tired), don’t give up. You’ll be so much prouder in the end when you do succeed.

So as hard as it is to say and truly live, believe in yourself. Set an example for your kids. You are stronger than you think. Go ahead, push yourself to do something you never thought you could. You may just surprise yourself…

A special shout out to my girl Julie, the best canoe partner anyone could ask for. Next time, stay away from trees please!

When I first started CrossFit, my goals were simple. I wanted to lose the baby weight I had accumulated over the years and be skinny again. I wanted to look the way I did when I was in university. I wanted to wear skinny jeans and be happy with the way I looked. So when I booked a consultation with Tyler at CrossFit and he was going on about getting fit and healthy, I was thinking to myself, yeah yeah, enough about the healthy stuff, I just want to be skinny!  

So when I showed up for my very first workout on a Saturday morning, I really didn’t know what to expect. I knew it would be hard, but I figured I was fairly fit and could do anything that was thrown at me. Think again. I had my behind handed to me on a plate.

So from then on out, my only goal was to FINISH the daily workout. Period. For the first couple of weeks, that was a pretty good goal because, let’s face it, CrossFit is hard, especially when you’re out of shape. I hurt everywhere those first few weeks. I was cursing the people who came up with squats and lunges and pullups and burpees. I discovered muscles I never knew I had. Who knew my core had become so weak after 3 babies.

What blew my mind the most though were the other women in the gym. They were so strong! I was in awe of their strength and abilities. I mean, women doing pullups - that’s some serious stuff! I hoped that one day I could be half as good as them. I had a long way to go though. I needed a thick green and purple band to do a pullup. I couldn’t overhead squat more than a PVC pipe to save my life. I was out of breath after doing 3 burpees. I couldn’t even properly back squat a 45lbs bar (i.e. butt below the knees). I was determined to get better though, so I kept showing up, and kept trying.   

As time went, I became a little better at the lifts and daily WODs. My goal was then to finish the daily workout AND not be the last one to yell “time”. I was secretly relieved when there were some older women or new recruits in the gym because I would think to myself, “I may have a chance of finishing before that person”. Kind of pathetic, I know. I didn’t realize at the time that the only person I was competing against was myself, but I guess that’s one of CrossFit’s strengths. It brings out your competitive side (I didn’t even know I had one!).

I’ve come a long way since that first Saturday WOD and have set many new goals for myself along the way. For example, I recently achieved 2 my original goals: doing a pullup without a band and deadlifting 200lbs. So instead of sitting back and congratulating myself on these achievements, I set new goals. Now I want to do a deadlift pullup. I want to one day be able to back squat 175lbs. I want to have a “P” next to my name after every workout. There may even be a muscle up in my future. Who knows? For every goal I achieve, I set a new one. This way I’m constantly moving forward and never looking back to the frumpy, out of shape mom I once was.

Now I understand what Tyler was droning on about. I get it. It’s not only about looking great, it’s about feeling great too. It’s about leading a healthier life for me and my kids. I’m never going to be the skinny waif I thought I wanted to be. Sure, people have seen me in skinny jeans or leggins and have commented on how muscled my quads are, and that’s okay. I’ve earned those muscles. I’m proud of them. I’d rather be healthy and strong than have skinny legs. I’d rather have my kids look at me and think “wow, someday I’m going to be able to do that.” I’m far from the strongest/fastest/fittest/most flexible woman in the gym. I haven’t quite figured out what my strength is in the CrossFit arena, other than perseverance. I just keep showing up day after day and working my hardest, and that puts me miles ahead of where I was when I began.

To all you moms out there, embrace your innner strength. Set a goal for yourself, and work towards it. Do not take health for granted simply because you are busy/overworked/overtired.

So I’ve been toying with the idea of starting a blog to share my CrossFit journey with others in the hopes that I can encourage other moms like me to get fit and start taking a little time for themselves. Firstly, let me introduce myself. I am a 30 year old married mother of 3 beautiful girls, ages 6, 4 and 11 months. To say I’m busy is an understatement. My hubby is a transport driver and an avid outdoorsman, which means I am a single parent a good majority of the time. I live on a hobby farm where I help care for 3 horses, 2 adorable pigmy goats, some chickens, ducks, geese and even a peacock. I am currently on maternity leave, but am heading back to work for the federal government in 3 short weeks. I originally started CrossFit a year and a half ago with my mom, not knowing at the time that I was expecting baby #3. I worked out until my 5th or 6th month, then took it easy for the last months of my pregnancy. I couldn’t wait for that baby to drop so that I could get back to the gym!

I’ve never actually been overweight, but that doesn’t mean that I was healthy. I smoked for 12 long years, but finally gave it up for good almost 3 years ago. I was what you could consider “active”, but never really worked out. It was only when I decided to run a 5K with a friend that it became apparent that being “active” was not enough. Two of my fellow carpoolers were members of CrossFit and convinced me to try it out. I’ve never been a competitive person, so I wasn’t sure if it would be a good fit for me. I played baseball in my teens but was never what you would consider “sporty”. I did want to shed some baby weight though, so I was motivated to give it a go. I was hooked the moment I walked through the door. Don’t get me wrong, it was a HUGE struggle for me at first, not being a natural athlete, having tight hips and shoulders, and a really weak core (having babies will do that to you!). I simply checked my ego at the door and did the work to the best of my ability. I am proud to say that I am now in the best shape of my life, and there is no going back for me.

I often hear other moms say that they don’t have time for exercise. I MAKE time each and every day. In fact, I pay a sitter every morning for 1 hour so that I can attend class. It has been the biggest gift I could give myself or my children. I am a better wife and mother because of that time. 

So all you new (or not so new) moms out there, what are you waiting for? No excuses! Do it for yourselves. Everybody deserves to look and feel great.

In my next post, I will talk about goals - how important it is to have them, and how they can and will change as time goes. Mine sure have!